CHOICE weekend… feeling vulnerable
The last weekend was the CHOICE 229th weekend. It was my second CHOICE weekend that I was presenting in. And it was most challenging weekend that I have felt so far.
The reason for saying challenging was partly due that I and another single presenter (Grace) was in-charge of the mass. And the main and most challenging part was that I was sharing the on the talk on sex and sexuality. In that talk I touch on areas that I had struggle with sex and sexuality and relationships (well it was maybe the not so bright side of me that I had touch on). I had a tough time writing the talk. I had one or two sleepless night trying to start on that talk. And when started I had to have a lot of time out from writing it… and also at one point I just felt that I wanted to switch and write another talk.
So why all these stoppages? I felt very vulnerable. I can only conclude that it brought out the weaknesses that I had as I shared in this topic. Revisiting all those incidents and event also brought out many emotions that I had went through which further amplify my weaknesses (some which I did not want to look at). I guess that there are thing also that he wants me to reflect on and face them.
There were times while typing I just stop and look down and in my heart just shout to God “Help me God, Help me God…”. I felt very useless, very weak… I guess I was calling for His strength and also His love for me to continue on.
The only image that came into my mind was that of Jesus on the cross as I continue to write (a close up picture of him bleeding). I guess God was telling me that Jesus too was vulnerable but He continues to love me even in times of darkness and pain.
I guess it is quite similar to what St Paul had mention in his writing in 2 Cor 12:10:
“Therefore I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.”
I believe that God is telling me also that life is a relationship also (other then a journey also). Just like Jesus wanting to have a relationship with us and he open up his love for us (God is love) which also made him vulnerable to hurt and pain just like us human.
God I pray that as I journey in this life, help to remind me it is also a journey of relationship with You and the people around me in this world. Pray that I may continue to have that love that Jesus has for me, to be in me to continue to love and serve in this world, even then times are bad, hurtful and pain. Let me live to trust and hope in you God.
The reason for saying challenging was partly due that I and another single presenter (Grace) was in-charge of the mass. And the main and most challenging part was that I was sharing the on the talk on sex and sexuality. In that talk I touch on areas that I had struggle with sex and sexuality and relationships (well it was maybe the not so bright side of me that I had touch on). I had a tough time writing the talk. I had one or two sleepless night trying to start on that talk. And when started I had to have a lot of time out from writing it… and also at one point I just felt that I wanted to switch and write another talk.
So why all these stoppages? I felt very vulnerable. I can only conclude that it brought out the weaknesses that I had as I shared in this topic. Revisiting all those incidents and event also brought out many emotions that I had went through which further amplify my weaknesses (some which I did not want to look at). I guess that there are thing also that he wants me to reflect on and face them.
There were times while typing I just stop and look down and in my heart just shout to God “Help me God, Help me God…”. I felt very useless, very weak… I guess I was calling for His strength and also His love for me to continue on.
The only image that came into my mind was that of Jesus on the cross as I continue to write (a close up picture of him bleeding). I guess God was telling me that Jesus too was vulnerable but He continues to love me even in times of darkness and pain.
I guess it is quite similar to what St Paul had mention in his writing in 2 Cor 12:10:
“Therefore I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.”
I believe that God is telling me also that life is a relationship also (other then a journey also). Just like Jesus wanting to have a relationship with us and he open up his love for us (God is love) which also made him vulnerable to hurt and pain just like us human.
God I pray that as I journey in this life, help to remind me it is also a journey of relationship with You and the people around me in this world. Pray that I may continue to have that love that Jesus has for me, to be in me to continue to love and serve in this world, even then times are bad, hurtful and pain. Let me live to trust and hope in you God.
posted by Bravo at 1:24 PM
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