Advising a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend
Just this Saturday I met an old church friend at dinner and invited her to join me for dinner. She was not in the mood to eat… (initially thought it might be a excuse to diet). As we talked I soon found out that she broke off with her boyfriend recently and that explains why she was in a down mood.
I found out that after going steady for more than 5 years, her boyfriend decided to breakup with her due to a ‘third party’. I believe it was a really big blow or devastation for her. And this has made her go more often for mass, novena and also sometimes daily masses to seek God in her midst devastation of this break off. Which I believe it is a good thing that she is doing it.
Being a friend to her and seeing her in this condition I try my best to advice and share with her in hope that she will be better. As a single guy who never been in a relationship it is really a challenge. I was racing to recall what my guys friends who had went through relationship had share with me on the topic call “How to get dumped and still stay positive” two years back.... But my mind was empty on it… so this left me to only draw on my personal views and values that I know.
I told her that she has to face the facts and get on with life. And this is just a hiccup in life which in this life journey we will have to face. Make new plans, make new friends and go do new things.
One of the thing she mention is that she hope that God will make the guy to see that she is the one true love for him. I shared that it is not a very good idea to think of it this way as the focus is on the guy rather than what God will or plan that He has for her. She has to put her trust in God what ever is the out come.
I mention that it will be hard to get over this episode as she has attached to him mentally and emotionally. But one has to unwire and rewire to become a single again and continue with life. I ask her to think about God’s love and Jesus’ love and sufferings on the cross for us. And comparing it with Jesus… hers is small in a way.
I asked her to listen to the mass readings as they focus on love and God's love for this Sunday Mass.
First Reading: Acts 10:25-26, 34-35, 44-48
Second Reading: First John 4:7-10
Gospel: John 15:9-17
And also finally ask her to go for the coming singles retreat weekend (May26 to 28) call Choice weekend, which I have been involve for quite some time. I hope that this weekend will let her review her life and on the relationships she has.
On the way back home I was thinking whether the advice and sharing that I gave her was good (maybe I will ask some of my close Choice friends on it…) as I felt might have missing out on some things or not good enough.
As I was thinking through this matter, I look into my life and came to be aware that part of me at times would be like her. Although I had never enter into a relationship but I had approached before a girl (after much contemplation) to propose whether she would be interested in a more than friends type of relationship or what majority would say going into dating or courtship. And was turn down.
The interesting thing is I had fallen for the person in her and that I guess have partly made me harder to get over her or feeling that suddenly pop out of no where(maybe time will take care of it). When I encounter this I will go into prayer and ask God to help me through it. One of prayer request that I will say sometimes is “God I pray that you will give me another chance to propose to her” and it draw a similar parallel to what my friend had hope in her prayer that her boyfriend who broke off with, will come back to her. I felt certain selfishness in this prayer. Aren’t I suppose to trust in God and His plan for me? I’m made to serve Him… So rather then praying for a hope for a second chance, would it be a better to pray to be a better servant?… to be a better man?… so when the time comes for me to enter into courtship I will be a better person to serve God and who ever the woman that He has plan for me. ….
Thank you God for showing this to me and it is a good point to share with my friend.
I found out that after going steady for more than 5 years, her boyfriend decided to breakup with her due to a ‘third party’. I believe it was a really big blow or devastation for her. And this has made her go more often for mass, novena and also sometimes daily masses to seek God in her midst devastation of this break off. Which I believe it is a good thing that she is doing it.
Being a friend to her and seeing her in this condition I try my best to advice and share with her in hope that she will be better. As a single guy who never been in a relationship it is really a challenge. I was racing to recall what my guys friends who had went through relationship had share with me on the topic call “How to get dumped and still stay positive” two years back.... But my mind was empty on it… so this left me to only draw on my personal views and values that I know.
I told her that she has to face the facts and get on with life. And this is just a hiccup in life which in this life journey we will have to face. Make new plans, make new friends and go do new things.
One of the thing she mention is that she hope that God will make the guy to see that she is the one true love for him. I shared that it is not a very good idea to think of it this way as the focus is on the guy rather than what God will or plan that He has for her. She has to put her trust in God what ever is the out come.
I mention that it will be hard to get over this episode as she has attached to him mentally and emotionally. But one has to unwire and rewire to become a single again and continue with life. I ask her to think about God’s love and Jesus’ love and sufferings on the cross for us. And comparing it with Jesus… hers is small in a way.
I asked her to listen to the mass readings as they focus on love and God's love for this Sunday Mass.
First Reading: Acts 10:25-26, 34-35, 44-48
Second Reading: First John 4:7-10
Gospel: John 15:9-17
And also finally ask her to go for the coming singles retreat weekend (May26 to 28) call Choice weekend, which I have been involve for quite some time. I hope that this weekend will let her review her life and on the relationships she has.
On the way back home I was thinking whether the advice and sharing that I gave her was good (maybe I will ask some of my close Choice friends on it…) as I felt might have missing out on some things or not good enough.
As I was thinking through this matter, I look into my life and came to be aware that part of me at times would be like her. Although I had never enter into a relationship but I had approached before a girl (after much contemplation) to propose whether she would be interested in a more than friends type of relationship or what majority would say going into dating or courtship. And was turn down.
The interesting thing is I had fallen for the person in her and that I guess have partly made me harder to get over her or feeling that suddenly pop out of no where(maybe time will take care of it). When I encounter this I will go into prayer and ask God to help me through it. One of prayer request that I will say sometimes is “God I pray that you will give me another chance to propose to her” and it draw a similar parallel to what my friend had hope in her prayer that her boyfriend who broke off with, will come back to her. I felt certain selfishness in this prayer. Aren’t I suppose to trust in God and His plan for me? I’m made to serve Him… So rather then praying for a hope for a second chance, would it be a better to pray to be a better servant?… to be a better man?… so when the time comes for me to enter into courtship I will be a better person to serve God and who ever the woman that He has plan for me. ….
Thank you God for showing this to me and it is a good point to share with my friend.
posted by Bravo at 4:07 AM
2 Comments:
=)
actually sometimes being single is nice too... not so much things to think about.. haha..
btw..arent u comin to my place this morning??? =P
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