Wisdom and Maturity - What's worthwhile is worth waiting for
Recently I came across an article by Father Ronald Rolheiser on the matter of love and chastity call “What’s worthwhile is worth waiting for”. In these days the church promotes chastity among young singles and asking them to wait for that special person that they will marry “save it for that one special person…”.
He mention that there will come a time when one is not so young or our real dream for love is over… when day by day we become more unsure whether we on the side of life or not. So then waiting tends to become foolish to one and temptation set in, we start to bend the rules.
Rules…
We all know that rules will be rules. Like in physics the rule of the force of gravity, will never change (well… not in outer space… but we won’t go into that). So he said that rules stay constant and what changes is our feelings, feelings towards chastity and waiting. So then How do we wait? Or in a somewhat more anxious context, How do we wait when, then it seems, there is no longer much worth to waiting for?
The two extremes…
Father Ronald mention about two extreme models the people could go into. The liberal way which is to compromise and the conservative way which is to deny it. But I guess that is not what God (God is love) want us to be (humans with no control nor humans who have no feelings). So he said when we lose heart for this ideal we need to get our hearts in touch with what deep down inside they really want. How one do that? By committing ourselves to what will give us real life in the long run.
Jesus story…
He brought up a low point of Jesus in his discipleship. Jesus told the people “unless you eat my flesh, you will not have life within you!” now this upset and confuses everyone. So everyone walk away and Jesus then asked his disciples “Do you want to walk away too?” And Peter answered “Yes, we would like to, but you have the words of everlasting life” So what basically is saying is that “We don’t get it, but we know that we are better off not getting it with you than getting it with somebody else!” Now this response speaks through of real maturity. Why? Because sometimes in life what gives us life it calls for commitment even when our hearts are not onside.
In marriage…
He then shared an example of marriage “ …who ever been married or committed in a relationship knows that there are times when the relationship will be full of tension, disappointment, and even coldness…might feel dead, but you are smart enough to know that, for you life lies there, not elsewhere. …long-range, life means staying in that relationship even though, on this day, it seems lifeless…”
So what is it all about?
So what is the issue here? It is clearly not just chastity and waiting until marriage, but wisdom and maturity that gives us the big picture and know that what ultimately brings life is not just what helps us make it through a bad season.
I love what father mention “Love is a decision, not a feeling. …long before we decide for love, we first fall into love. Initially it chooses us more then we choose it. But that changes, as we know, and real maturity comes at that exact moment when, like Peter, we commit ourselves to something beyond what feels best in the present moment. Maturity waits, even when it’s 39 years old and not sure any more what it’s waiting for.”
My take away (lessons) from this…
This article was very meaningful and encouraging to me. As I could identify myself being very feeling or emotional towards a friend of mine that I like or interested in for quite sometime (especially when I came back from Banda Aceh … after seeing many people losing their loves ones in the Tsunami). And I made a resolution this year to approach her to ask whether she would be interested in a more than friend relationship type of relationship (some people call it courting).
Well, I decided to take the risk and I asked her and was turn down as she was unsure about where she was going in life. I guess God has His plan. She also said to me “I see no purpose in going into…. exclusive kind of relationship unless they contemplate marriage.”. Interestingly after that, it got me contemplating and discerning about it more. And I found out I was not ready for marriage at this point of time. So I believe (wisdom & maturity) the best thing is to be a good friend to her and also brother in Christ to her. That is the best way to serve God at this time.
What about you feelings towards her? Yes I do have feelings towards her and because wisdom and maturity tells me to avoid going into a relationship when one is not ready, I’m committed keeping a good friendship with her and not just any how ask for a more than friend type of relationship. It is the best way I can serve God and serve her as a friend. And yes it can be a tall order but with God I believe I can do it.
The feelings that we have, have to be guided with wisdom and maturity that God has given to us. I believe we have to daily seek God’s wisdom and maturity in every area of our life. As an engineer if I don’t seek His wisdom and have the maturity and just base on my feelings or passion (which might be blind) to make, create or do things… it might have bad effect on other people (or sometimes to my own self).
Lastly as what father Ronald said “Patience, waiting, chastity, and commitment are, in the end, worth it.”
He mention that there will come a time when one is not so young or our real dream for love is over… when day by day we become more unsure whether we on the side of life or not. So then waiting tends to become foolish to one and temptation set in, we start to bend the rules.
Rules…
We all know that rules will be rules. Like in physics the rule of the force of gravity, will never change (well… not in outer space… but we won’t go into that). So he said that rules stay constant and what changes is our feelings, feelings towards chastity and waiting. So then How do we wait? Or in a somewhat more anxious context, How do we wait when, then it seems, there is no longer much worth to waiting for?
The two extremes…
Father Ronald mention about two extreme models the people could go into. The liberal way which is to compromise and the conservative way which is to deny it. But I guess that is not what God (God is love) want us to be (humans with no control nor humans who have no feelings). So he said when we lose heart for this ideal we need to get our hearts in touch with what deep down inside they really want. How one do that? By committing ourselves to what will give us real life in the long run.
Jesus story…
He brought up a low point of Jesus in his discipleship. Jesus told the people “unless you eat my flesh, you will not have life within you!” now this upset and confuses everyone. So everyone walk away and Jesus then asked his disciples “Do you want to walk away too?” And Peter answered “Yes, we would like to, but you have the words of everlasting life” So what basically is saying is that “We don’t get it, but we know that we are better off not getting it with you than getting it with somebody else!” Now this response speaks through of real maturity. Why? Because sometimes in life what gives us life it calls for commitment even when our hearts are not onside.
In marriage…
He then shared an example of marriage “ …who ever been married or committed in a relationship knows that there are times when the relationship will be full of tension, disappointment, and even coldness…might feel dead, but you are smart enough to know that, for you life lies there, not elsewhere. …long-range, life means staying in that relationship even though, on this day, it seems lifeless…”
So what is it all about?
So what is the issue here? It is clearly not just chastity and waiting until marriage, but wisdom and maturity that gives us the big picture and know that what ultimately brings life is not just what helps us make it through a bad season.
I love what father mention “Love is a decision, not a feeling. …long before we decide for love, we first fall into love. Initially it chooses us more then we choose it. But that changes, as we know, and real maturity comes at that exact moment when, like Peter, we commit ourselves to something beyond what feels best in the present moment. Maturity waits, even when it’s 39 years old and not sure any more what it’s waiting for.”
My take away (lessons) from this…
This article was very meaningful and encouraging to me. As I could identify myself being very feeling or emotional towards a friend of mine that I like or interested in for quite sometime (especially when I came back from Banda Aceh … after seeing many people losing their loves ones in the Tsunami). And I made a resolution this year to approach her to ask whether she would be interested in a more than friend relationship type of relationship (some people call it courting).
Well, I decided to take the risk and I asked her and was turn down as she was unsure about where she was going in life. I guess God has His plan. She also said to me “I see no purpose in going into…. exclusive kind of relationship unless they contemplate marriage.”. Interestingly after that, it got me contemplating and discerning about it more. And I found out I was not ready for marriage at this point of time. So I believe (wisdom & maturity) the best thing is to be a good friend to her and also brother in Christ to her. That is the best way to serve God at this time.
What about you feelings towards her? Yes I do have feelings towards her and because wisdom and maturity tells me to avoid going into a relationship when one is not ready, I’m committed keeping a good friendship with her and not just any how ask for a more than friend type of relationship. It is the best way I can serve God and serve her as a friend. And yes it can be a tall order but with God I believe I can do it.
The feelings that we have, have to be guided with wisdom and maturity that God has given to us. I believe we have to daily seek God’s wisdom and maturity in every area of our life. As an engineer if I don’t seek His wisdom and have the maturity and just base on my feelings or passion (which might be blind) to make, create or do things… it might have bad effect on other people (or sometimes to my own self).
Lastly as what father Ronald said “Patience, waiting, chastity, and commitment are, in the end, worth it.”
posted by Bravo at 12:24 AM
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